guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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