I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
