Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
