Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
