Me. At least after what I've been through.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
