I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize