It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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