get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
