It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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