I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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