ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
