i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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