I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
