I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
