This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
