Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
