If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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