I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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