Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
