I think i peed on brittanys purse
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
