just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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