Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
