1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
