I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
