my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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