I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
