great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
