call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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