i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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