And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize