i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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