why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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