Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
