Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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