i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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