...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
