Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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