Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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