i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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