And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
