Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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