The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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