dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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