I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
