Pappa wants mamma naked
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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