between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
