dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
