dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
