its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
