I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
