she looked like the before picture.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
