You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
