I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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