oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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