Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
