So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
