shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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