I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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