Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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