i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize