we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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