hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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