he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize