Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
