we have pet lesbian snakes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
